Another week of news and another week for Parody Saturday News Items. Once again see if you can sort out fact from fiction.
Tech News
In the ongoing Search Wars, sometimes pitting brother against brother, Google founder and CEO Eric Schmidt announced that it would take at least 300 years to index all the world's information. Schmidt later stated,"Of course when we reach that mark, we'll still be in beta for a few more hundred years."
The Web Is Now Nature. Just when we all started refreshing ourselves on the lyrics of Tiny Bubbles comes word from Sun executive Glenn Edens, "The web is now nature." Tell me, what's easier to predict, when a bubble will burst or when Mother Nature will decide to pay a nasty visit?
Level 3 Communications throws the off switch and derails Web 2.0. In what can best be described as a spat, Level 3 Communications cut off communications with rival Cogent Communications this week temporarily causing a disruption until talks about the spat resolved. According to a Level 3 spokesperson, "We've got the backbone to disrupt it all."
AOL Announces That It Will Change Name To...AOL. According to a AOL CEO Jonathan Miller, "this will help us spread the brand internationally to those countries who might be offended by an America On-Line in their midst. Besides it's cheaper to print AOL on all those CD's than it is to print the old name."
One More Thing... Apple has the rumor mill cranking about what it will announce on Wednesday. Will it be a Video iPod? Will it be a power boost to the Powerbook line? We have an exclusive here at Parody Saturday, so you can stop waiting. Apple CEO Steve Jobs will announce that his next "one more thing will be the takeover of Brasso."
Political News
President Bush Confidant That Harriet Miers Will Be Confirmed. Seeking to put down a rash of Republican Right Wing Cannibalilsm, President Bush said today that "I am as confident that Harriet Miers will be confirmed by the Senate as I am that we will establish democracy in Iraq, or that our plans in the event of an outbreak of Avian Flu are solid." Seeking to clarify the President's remarks a spokesperson stated that "God did not tell him to say that."
Al Qaeda Is Hiring. Al Qaeda is looking for a few good men, (women need not apply) to help with their Internet operations and producing video montages.
The New York Times today issued a series of stunning editorials on its Times Select Service. No one read them.
Science News
DARE Begins New Campaign To Keep Squirrels Off Crack. American phenomena of crack addicted squirrels moves to England. According to a spokesperson, "The squirrels have attacked park visitors in their frenzied search for their next fix."
